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Dads are pulled in a thousand different directions these days: Kids’ sports, partner’s commitments, extended family, work, keeping up the homefront, and the list strings on and on. And if you’ve got a really wee one at home, forget about it. It’s a blizzard of onesies and toothbrushing and three-ring circus ringmastering when everyone needs fed and bathed and put to bed at once.
Except for you. No bed for you, silly goose. You’ve got toys to bulldoze and laundry machines to punish and a dishwasher to painstakingly and impeccably load.
So where can a dad work out in this maelstrom?
The answer to that question is too often, “They don’t.” Compared to mothers, fathers suffer a more drastic decrease in their physical activity level in the process of becoming a parent, losing an average of five hours compared to pre-parenthood levels. With so many irons in the fire, it’s just too easy for a dad workout to get put on the back burner.
It’s not impossible, though – you just have to have the right strategy going in. To get a sense of how real live busy dads are managing to do this, I did some data crowdsourcing.
My Methodology
I’m a member of r/Daddit, the fatherhood community on Reddit with over 650,000 subscribed users (warm greetings to any of my fellow Dadditors dadditing through). This question about dad workouts comes up fairly frequently there, particularly from new dads rather overwhelmed with the logistics of fatherhood already and wondering where in the world their old workout plan is going to fit in.
To formulate this dataset, I pulled up four heavily commented-on threads on this topic from the last several months, expanded all the comments, and read what everyone had to say. I read many hundreds of comments, looking for a specific candidate to include in my dataset:
- A father (at least insofar as could be determined),
- Claiming actual practice (“this is what I do” versus “this is what you ought to do”),
- With specificity (“I use dumbbells in my basement in the morning” versus “I try to stay active”).
The data I gathered comes from dads of all stripes: Dads of one kid to several kids, ranging in age from newborn to adults. There were single dads, remotely co-parenting dads, partnered dads – from all over the world. I was primarily interested in three data points:
Where are dads working out?
If a commenter met the above parameters and mentioned doing mixed workouts, I noted whether they were doing them in a home gym or traveling to a professional gym to do them.
When are dads working out?
Many commenters helpfully noted when they were working their workouts into their days – so many, in fact, I was able to get a meaningful sample to graph out.
How are dads working out?
This was what I was most interested in. Once we dads are getting to our workout space, how are we spending the time we’re investing? There were some expected results, but also some interesting insights.
I should issue a couple of caveats: This is not a scientific study, or even a statistically valid poll, by any stretch of the imagination. I think the data is helpful, but a data scientist would assuredly roll his or her eyes and derisively pat my head looking at this. In particular, it’s a near certainty data was duplicated across threads. Also, it’s plausible to think I miscounted, misinterpreted, or overlooked data points along the way.
All that said, though, here are the final tallies:
Image may be NSFW.
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Beyond the black and white tickmarks I made going through the comments, I also found a lot of nuance in what I read: Common points of practice and oft-repeated helpful tips from dads getting their move on. Here are the biggest takeaways I found which came up repeatedly from these busy dads:
Routine and discipline are hugely important.
“It’s all about finding a routine that works for you,” u/batdad9135 explained. “It sucks at first, but after a while, it becomes something you get used to and ultimately feel like you need to do.”
That was the consensus from a lot of dads who work out. A few obviously relished the process of working out itself, but for many of the responding dads, they made clear they’d otherwise just as soon stay in (or go to) bed, but were willing to sacrifice for the sake of their ability to be a better dad for their kids and partners.
It’s important to communicate with your partner.
Something many dads brought up was the importance of cooperating with their partners in making time to work out. Some are able to get up at 0430 and get a whole workout in before anybody else in the house is conscious. Dads in other situations, though, have to coordinate with their partners to cover childcare and other responsibilities while they’re working out. Those in this situation stressed the importance of fairness – making sure their partner was able to take equal self-care time themselves – and expressing gratitude.
Dinner plates > weight plates.
Over and over again, dads interjected a caution about diet into threads about exercise. The old maxim is true: You can’t outrun a bad diet. Dads in these threads were quick to point out to questioners that you can get as deep into the weeds as you want with supersets and metabolic rates and HIIT intervals, but if you’re not pairing it with mindful eating, you’re not going to lose weight – and your portfolio of overall health will be woefully incomplete.
Multiple comments were made about successes with intermittent fasting in particular. This was incidentally my key to checking and reversing a slide into obesity in 2022, when I lost almost 40 pounds in the fall and early winter coming into the holidays. If you’d like to read the particulars about my process, you can find my full write-up about it here.
If you can find a gym with childcare, use it.
Several Dadditors mentioned using gyms with childcare available for members. If you have access to a gym like this, it can be a game changer for keeping your motivation to work out. You’ll just need to do a bit of due diligence as to whether you’re comfortable with the option at the gym in question.
As long as the space seems safe and the staff seems switched on, though, the overwhelming recommendation was to go for it. No longer than you’re going to be working out, your kids don’t need a complicated curriculum – they just need a safe place to muck about while you’re throwing some weight – or yourself – around the gym.
If you’re in the newborn phase, fill tiny time spaces.
My rule of thumb is that the first 90-180 days of a kid’s life are an almost complete write-off, depending on about seven dozen variables. You’ll be running on precious little sleep, and what you do manage to get will be shattered into fits and starts. You’ll be trying to get a handle on your schedule. You’ll be supporting a new mom who, even in the best of circumstances, will be feeling sore and used and bleary.
So for most dads, a regimented workout plan just won’t be in the cards in this phase – not without becoming That Guy. And nobody wants to be That Guy. So if you’re going to get some reps in, you’ll need to sneak them into little interstitial moments in your day.
Waiting for water to boil to warm a bottle? Do some dips on your kitchen counter.
Warming up your shower? Drop and pound out five (or ten or twenty) pushups.
Soothing your little bundle? Do some slow squats as part of your calming routine.
You’re not going to get epic gains here, but you can slow your slide, because:
Anything is better than nothing.
This was another oft-repeated thought. It can be overwhelming thinking about Starting a Workout Regimen, especially if your kids are in an early high-maintenance phase. Reframing can help here, though. Instead of some overwrought routine, you might be more comfortable starting simple and small.
It can be something as straightforward as ten pushups, ten situps, and ten squats every day. That would take you all of three minutes to do. As it develops into a habit, though, it’s likely you’ll start adding elements over time.
Early morning workouts are the clear favorite.
Variations of a quote of unknown provenance were often cited in the comments: “There are two types of dads: Those who get up at five in the morning to work out, and those who don’t work out.” While that’s a gross oversimplification, a clear majority of dads who talked about their workout regimens did choose to complete them in the morning.
It makes sense. It’s usually the case at other times of the day that others would be impacted by your workout habit: Coworkers you can’t lunch with at noon, kids you can’t play with in the afternoon, a partner you’d have to abandon in the evening (unless you have the space, time, and joint inclination to workout together, examples of which were present in the comments but not common).
In the morning, though, it’s usually different. Unless you’re in the first year of your kid’s life, they’re probably sleeping late enough to set an early alarm, get an appreciable workout in, shower, and dress out before the house is spun up. That’s particularly true if you’ve got a home gym of some sort.
Additionally, there isn’t the latent guilt in the morning you sometimes feel at other times of the day. It’s usually the case at other hours that something else could be done which becomes an opportunity cost for working out. Early in the morning, though, the necessities of the day haven’t made themselves known yet. There are no demands from others, no businesses open, no phone calls coming in.
The result? A resounding majority of those who specified their workout time work out in the morning. It’s a mixed group, to be certain. Some spoke with appreciation, sometimes bordering on reverence, for the quiet they’re afforded by the early morning. Others have little other choice when it comes to their family’s schedule and drag themselves out of bed to get it done.
And then there are the absolute madlads u/jj9534 and u/dartheggnog, each of whom regularly gets up at 0330 to work out. Who hurt the two of you? Your brains are broken. I mean, you’re probably ripped, but your gourds are gone.
Safe lifting and good posture are important, too.
A lot of responding dads were quick to point out that good fitness isn’t a matter of carving out half an hour for cardio and weights and then going back to regularly scheduled programming. Just like a good diet, fitness needs to be broadly incorporated into the ebb and flow of your everyday life – and a lot of that entails good movement hygiene. Things like lifting with your legs, keeping loads close to your core, avoiding slouching, and taking periodic breaks to move at sedentary jobs are all essential fitness activities, too.
It’s also important to not get in your own head about macho this and alpha that when you’re getting things done. Stuff like getting an extra set of hands for heavy or awkward loads, taking a minute to get a hand truck or push cart, or stretching before and after exercise are neither failings nor signs of weakness.
Swallow your pride and do things the right way.
You don’t get any barbarian bonus points for, as my father would say, “showing your hind end.” Nobody is going to be doing the “Herc-a-LEES! Herc-a-LEES!” chant off to the side or wanting a bicep pinch. You might get away with Beast Mode for a while, but sooner or later you’re going to torque your ankle or put your back out. Then what? I don’t think your partners will consider your lying on a bag of frozen corn while they and the kids pick up your slack especially manly.
Incorporate kids into your efforts.
Speaking of those pesky kids, bring them along for the journey – whether literal or figurative – because they’re going to get a lot of direct benefits from it themselves that nobody else can give them.
No, not even your partner.
An Australian study determined children of an obese father are about fourteen times more likely to be obese as teenagers. Importantly, the reverse – that is, children of an obese mother and a normal-weight father – is not true. So it’s disproportionately important for you, as a father, to keep your fitness up to snuff.
It’s also important to model fitness to your kids. How do you do that, though? You might have a mental image of a preschooler crawling around on a dumbbell rack while you’re trying to do bent-over rows, but some of the dads of Daddit have a better idea:
Be active with the kids, organically.
“I do overhead presses with my [five-year-old] daughter several times a day so she can sit on my shoulders,” u/theboybuck said. “In the best shape of my late 30s.” This sort of improvised exercise was a common recommendation – in fact, mindfully incorporating exercise elements into playing with kids was mentioned more often than walking among the dads who described how they choose to stay in shape.
This tactic got a ringing endorsement from u/GorillaHeat as well: “Ever play tag with kids seriously for any length of time? Challenge you to find better cardio. I just don’t have time to do it separately and I’ve grown to really enjoy the dual use time. It also teaches them to be active.”
Invest in gear that makes all of this easier.
Multiple dads mentioned gear that helped them get and stay active. Several mentioned investing in a full-featured home or garage gym, citing the time it saved them in commuting which they could invest in a more full-featured workout or in getting that much more sleep. Multiple others said jogging strollers were a worthwhile purchase for them.
Also, a couple brought up fitness watches and bands – one said his vibrating alarm function was the only way to reliably wake up for morning workouts without disturbing his partner, and another said exercise prompts on his keep him honest about moving during the day.
What about me, you ask? If I had to pin myself on the chart, I’d currently be split between the walking and kid play bars on the graph. Tater is robust enough to roughhouse with now, which I’ve really enjoyed – and Sprocket can almost never resist piling on, so it turns into a rolling dogpile that keeps me limber (and gives me opportunities to teach Sprocket about mindfulness of where her body is in space).
Walking-wise, we were blessed to find a new home in the middle of our new town, which has made almost everything except the grocery store walkable (and even that is a six minute drive, which seems like a profligate luxury when we had to make a three-and-a-half hour round trip for groceries living in remote Yukon Territory). The result has been lots of chances for impromptu walks with the kids, with a lot of memories made along the way.
So where do I find myself in all of this? Inspired, definitely. I’m at a healthier weight now than I was a year ago, but my cardiovascular fitness is a lagging indicator with Tater going from not sleeping phase straight into will-not-stop-moving phase, and the Unflustered Mother up to her neck in the obligations of a new job. The information I’ve learned in this process is inspiring me to get out of my own head about starting something and just start.
I’m hopeful the same is true for you, as well. To all of you dads doing the hard work of trying to ensure you’re around for your kids as long as possible, be blessed and safe.
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This post was previously published on The Unbothered Father.
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The post What Does a Busy Dad Workout Plan Look Like? appeared first on The Good Men Project.